Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My second open letter to Jim Gibbons

This is my second open letter to Jim Gibbons. Select the wording that best fits your feelings, and send it in.

Hey there, it’s me again. The last time we talked, you were embroiled in (a messy divorce / your fifth mistress / the impending repeal of COLAs given to state employees and educators / all of the above). I have to say, in the months since your leadership has been ( marginal at best / treading water / sinking faster than Box Office Grosses for “The Spirit”).

I’m writing to talk to you about this idea of cutting pay for state employees and educators by 6%. I’m sure that in your ( average / small / infinitesimally minute ) intellect, this is a good idea. After all, the private sector is feeling the pain, why shouldn’t those ( lazy / stupid / lazy and stupid ) teachers and public servants take a haircut? By the way, before I forget, thanks for the 120 million that is already projected to be cut from the district budget. We’ll get back to that later.

Well, here’s the thing Jimbo. Maybe you didn’t get the memo, but education doesn’t work exactly like the private sector. I’m no economist, but I’ll attempt to ( explain / use small, easily understood words / draw simplistic pictures ) for you, to help you contemplate exactly why your idea is (not good / terrible). As I understand it, because of the slowing economy, there is less work, and therefore, layoffs and pay cuts. I have friends who have experienced both, and let me tell you, I consider myself no better than them. In education, however, there is no slowing. In fact, with NCLB, more students than ever before, and increasing pressure to perform (all of this, in an environment with 120 million dollars less to work with, thank you very much) next year is going to be really hopping with work. More work for less pay? That doesn’t make sense.

Here’s my alternate proposal. Let’s make education work like business! We’ll take the pay cut, but let’s turn away 6% of the students next year! I mean, the economy is bad, let’s just tell those parents “Sorry, it’s tough for everyone right now.” We can even get some of those kids, quite a few of which will be at-risk, no doubt, some weapons training, and we can speed them along on a life of knocking over 7-11’s. If we do that, we won’t even have to decrease pay for police. Heck in a hand basket, they will be plenty busy, believe you me. By the way, if anyone needs to renew their registration, we can just turn 6% of people away from the DMV. Or respond to 6% fewer calls for police. Sorry, I don’t know everyone who is on the state payroll, but you get the idea.

In closing Jimmy, you are (a jackass / a huge jackass / the hugest jackass). Let’s stop looking to put the brunt of the State’s problems (due in no small part to shortsighted leadership) on one segment of the population, and discuss some real solutions.

Say hi to (the misses / the mistresses), and we’ll talk to you as soon as your leadership brings us to our inevitable next crisis.

(Your name here)


1 comment:

Matt said...

Whew, scathing.

Also vitriolic.

And hilarious.