Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The anatomy of a heart being ripped out...

In an effort to help others to understand my pain, I offer you, my minute to minute musings regarding what, I'm sure, will be the Suns ultimate loss to the Spurs, in what is sure to be another heart breaking, and gut wrenching loss to that most detestable Texas team.

3:07 3rd quarter Suns 63, Spurs 71: Good, after a comfortable halftime lead for the Suns, the Spurs have managed to gain a nearly 10 point advantage on the Suns. That's okay, knowing the Spurs, I anticipated this. Fortunately, the Suns will have a run of their own to keep it close, ultimately, losing by 1 or 2 points towards the end.

2:23 3rd Suns 67, Spurs 71: I have been distracted by the lead announcer, who on consecutive plays has flubbed the players names, incorrectly calling "Giricec to Duncan" on a PHX possession, and incorrectly calling Borris Diaw as taking a 3 pointer for the Spurs (not sure who it was, but Diaw is a Sun). Apparently, the Spurs were distracted as well, as the Suns are gaining back some of the distance the Spurs put between them. Wait, did he just pronounce Manu's name GIN-NOBLE. Who is this guy? I don't know, but the comic relief is welcome.

1:42 3rd Suns 67, Spurs 71: What should have been a jump ball is a foul on Shaq. Actually, that was a foul on Shaq looking at the replay, but I approve. Anytime that stupidly overrated Ginobili gets tossed like a rag doll, and it only costs O'Neal his 3rd foul in the 3rd quarter, well, that's just a trade off I'm willing to make.

Ooooooooh, it pans to a shot of Horry. I HATE YOU HORRY!!!! Go back to making records with DJ Jazzy Jeff!!!!!!

1:40 3rd Suns 68, Spurs 73. WE WILL WIN!!!!!! SHAQ JUST HIT 2 FOUL SHOTS!!!!!! IT'S A SIGN!!!!!!!

1:20 Suns 69, Spurs 75. Go ahead, foul Shaq like the cowards you are. Gutless, totally and completely. The basketball Gods will not smile favorably upon this completely backhanded (and unfortunately legal) play. How do you foul a guy OFF the ball and get such an advantage.

End of 3rd Suns 72, Spurs 81. This, is NOT going well. Ah, it pans to Parker. I hope Eva cheats on you with

11:05 4th phx 73 sa 86: Why am I so depressed, I knew this was coming, just not how. I thought it would be close, but apparently I was sorely mistaken. And everytime I see Oberto on S.A., I think of Oh Boy! Oberto brand Beef Jerky. If only he were as listless.

I should write a blog about how much I hate the Spurs. Oh, wait...

9:38 73 88: Shaq just missed 2 free throws, so which free throws are the sign?

8:16 76 92: I'm pretty sure the second set of free throws are the sign.

7:38 77, 94: I was going to write earlier "Well, at least the Suns aren't getting slapped around like the Mavs, or the Hawks." Note to reader, we are officially getting slapped around like the Mavs and the Hawks. Oh, and the Wizards, don't forget them.

7:03 81, 94: Nash hits an ABSOLUTELY clutch three. He's good at those. And my wife, who is babysitting next store, has called to distract me. Bless her heart, she's saving me from the bloodbath. Is there a greater invention in the last 10 years than a DVR? 20 years? I'm not sure, I can't think of what it would be.

6:15 81, 94: I wonder what the Suns will be doing this off season? I bet Steve Nash is going to go to tons of indie rock shows. Amare Stoudamire? Probably hang with his entourage. Shaq will eat. Lots. Grant Hill will shoot a follow up to his piano playing ESPN SportsCenter commercial. During this train of thought, I have watched PHX miss about 6 different layups, and the Spurs hit a 3 that was erroniously called as a two. I have GOT to find out who is calling this game, they may make this series bearable for me.

4:01 85, 96: Kurt Thomas just fouled out. Now that the dominating Kurt Thomas is out, the table is set for a Suns comeback! He was the last Spur holding back the oncoming flood. Stoudamire, JUST hit his first field goal of the second half, amazingly cutting it to just 9.

3:16 87, 96: Bruce Bowen continues to treat Steve Nash like his prison cell buddy at the state penn, although for once he's actually called for it. How is this game within 9? Make that 7, Nash hits 2 free throws. 7 points? This is more like it, keep it close before ultimately

WAIT, I can't even update the score, Nash hits ANOTHER clutch shot, to 5. Man, they REALLY want to break my heart on this one. Sometimes a blowout is a little easier to stomach. While there's a break in the action, can I just ask out loud, how come my computer is typing like, 3 commas at a time? That is making this entry extremely difficult.

1:32 93, 99: I'm not saying it's outside the realm of possibility, but this is just painful. Not rotating over on Duncan will not win this game. Nash hits another clutch shot. That boy is full of two things. Emo-tastic attitude, and clutch. That's it. Nothing else. If Phoenix wins this series, I will sport a Steve Nash emo haircut, mark my words...

1:11 93, 101: How in the wide wide world of sports does Shaq end up guarding Tony Parker? Let's travel back in time to find out.


Ah ha, switch on a screen. Well, that sucks. And Nash missed. Double suck. Well D'antoni, if you have an 8 point play up your sleeve, now is the time.

14.3 96, 101. Well, I'm looking like a prophet. Suns got it close. Just close enough to lose and tear my heart out of my chest. I would really, REALLY like it, if for just once, the Spurs DIDN'T win a close one. Who will I root for if the Suns lose? Hmmmmm, I'll ponder that in the final seconds. Stoudamire hit just his 6th make in 32 tries, according to the guy who keeps missing players. I wonder if that stat is legit? By the way, a visit to TNT.com was fruitless in trying to figure out who this guy is, apparently TNT is a company that ships packages. I digress.

Is D'Antoni going to be back next season? I certainly hope so.

Dude, TNT, stop cutting to commercials while they're trying to sort things out on the court! I want more missed play calls! Don't rob me of this, my last pleasure in this painful endeavor.

13.5 96, 101. Blogging during a game sure makes it last a long time. That would be way better if my team were actually winning. By the way, Bell just fouled (hard) Ginobili on the inbound, and here may be the problem with the Suns. He went to go pick him up, as if to say "Hey, my bad." Raja Bell, there IS NO MY BAD IN THE PLAYOFFS!!! When you knock a guy down, you step on him if you can, and then tell him that he has a ridiculously large nose. Well, the large nose part if it's Manu. Of course, Raja DID clothesline Bryant a couple of years ago, so we'll forgive him this faux pas.

And that's a final, ladies and gentlemen. Late surge aside, the Suns come up a day late, and a dollar short. I'm looking at my heart, still beating, on the floor next to me. To add insult to injury, Tony Parker says something to Eva Longoria in french at the end of his smug post game interview. I hope she has a headache tonight!

My next blog is going to be about the Red Wings, this series is too painful for me.

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